she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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