I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
