i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
