I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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