paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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