Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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