The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
