I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
