It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
