We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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