i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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