How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
