There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
