just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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