god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
