why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize