i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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