my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
