i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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