im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize