she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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