I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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