If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
