I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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