When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
