i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
