I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
