We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
