3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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