i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
