I'm going to jail i love you
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
