When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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