I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
