Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
