I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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