yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
