Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
