walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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