Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There was a lot of him and a little penis
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
