You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
