my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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