OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
