can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
