Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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