literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
