Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm like, not good at living.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
