I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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