At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
