dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
