living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
