I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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