he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
