Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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