You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
