did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize