if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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