you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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