how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
