I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
