ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
