I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
