dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?