I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."