He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize