My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...