Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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