Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
