and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
