I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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