found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
