I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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