I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
