He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
