it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
