That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This baby is an asshole
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
