just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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