Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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