The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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