I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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