I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
