Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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