garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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